It's been since October/November since I've done anything with DeviantArt.
This isn't the first time I've just suddenly disappeared.
I go through periods where I lose motivation or get too busy with work.
I feel like by the time I'm done working, I don't have the energy to edit photos or get on the internet. All I want to do is sleep.
Basically what happened, is near Christmas, Loki had gotten sick.
If anyone remembers, Loki had feline leukemia. He was perfectly healthy, and then he began getting sick.
He got a bad upper resp. infection. It took him a month to recover.
He was good for a while, then he got sick again.
I had him at the vet so many times. I rushed him down to emergency vets because I knew he had a fever or he had suddenly gotten worse.
He started to recover from the last infection, but it's like he never shook it. His eyes were still all funky and he still had symptoms. He was on an extremely large dose of medication and it was a very potent antibiotic.
Then, he started to become more lethargic and within a day, he developed lumps on the side of his neck. He looked like he had the mumps. I googled everything, and it came up as the end stage of feline leukemia: the development of lymphoma. My heart sank. I knew at his checkup the next day that it may be the last time I was going to be taking him to the vet, and the last time he will leave the vet alive.
I took him to the vet. The vet was blunt with me because she knew I understood what was going on. She knew the amount of times I was at the vet, the thousands of dollars I spent, the pain I felt along with the pain Loki felt. She knew my love and devotion to him.
She told me she will biopsy the lumps, but her gut already told her it was lymphoma.
20 minutes...she came back, carrying a box of tissues. She said it was lymphoma, and that it wasn't just a tiny bundle of cells in the biopsy, and that it was overwhelming full of these disgusting, foul, killer cells. She said this disease/cancer will kill him and he will suffer. I knew it would. I cried. I got my time with him.
I decided to have him put to sleep, in my arms, as I sang to him 'You are my sunshine'. I always, always, always sang that to him when he wasn't feeling good. He was my sunshine. Always. He always will be.
This killed me. It still kills me and this happened on February 11, 2016.
On February 14, 2016, I had went to Petsmart to pick up supplies for my other cats, rats, and fish. They were doing an adoption events for cats. I told my mom I wanted to avoid them as much as possible. Well, where they had the cats up for adoption was right in the middle of the store where I couldn't avoid it. I went and talked to the cats like I do, pet them like I always do.
My eyes locked on a cat named Milani, she was solid black. Her head was tilted to the left. I was told this was a permanent 'issue', but she was perfectly healthy. Something kept kicking me in the butt telling me to adopt her.
Needless to say, she came home with me that same evening and was renamed Cleopatra *aka Cleo*.
Little did I know, the adoption agency had lied to me about her vaccines and her tilting head. She had to have surgery, multiple times and still has the possibility of going deaf because the adoption agency did not take care of her once they rescued her. My vet believes it was from a severe ear mite infestation and ear infection that was never taken care of. When they did the surgery, they found a severe middle ear infection, a polyp and bleeding within her ears. They removed the polyp, put her on a heavy dose of antibiotics, and they actually had to puncture her one eardrum because of how bad the damage was. She still has a tilted head, but she's better. Personally, the tilted head is my favorite thing about her.
Cleo was not a replacement for Loki. God, thinking of Loki still kills me. I'm crying about Loki as I'm writing this.
Cleo didn't take away the pain and didn't replace the piece of my heart Loki took when he died.
I believe though, Loki kicked me butt into adopting Cleo. That nagging feeling like I couldn't leave Cleo there. She actually has similarities to how Loki had acted with me. The constant having to be near me, the sleeping next to me and on me, the waking me up during the night for petting, her love of food, the way she just moved right into my house and every single cat accepted her and Loki's brother Patch clung to her.
In a way, she saved Patch and helped Patch. She helped me too. She let's me cry on her, she butts her head into my face, she knows when I am upset. Her and Patch are the best of friends, just like Loki and him were.
I am going to try to be active. I need something positive to do, besides work. I need an outlet. No, my photography isn't up to par with the pros, but man, does it make me focus and relax.
I am trying. and I am sorry for falling off the face of the earth.